Let's Count Calories!!!!

Emotional eating for men. Whhaaaaaa????? I don't know. Here's my food diary for today. Whaaaa??? Again, I don't know why I'm posting this ... oh - wait, it's because I'm eating like GODZILLA today. VERY noteworthy. But yes, very girly to care about what I eat.

My Godzilla Food Diary

8 AM AM: Breakfast: Three generously sized hippo thighs. Calories: 782,000. How I was feeling when I ate this: confused, irradiated, hating my size.

1O AM: Exercise: Swiped fishing boats with claws, sinking them (20 reps). Calories burned: 540,000. (Not enough!)

11 AM: Snack: 12 car tires. Thought they were donuts. (30,000 calories)

11:05 AM: Exercise: "Taxi Stomp" (alternating legs, for 30 blocks down Congress Ave.). Calories burned: 148,900,183. I was mad at eating crap. Sorry.

2 PM: Snack: Five Hilton guests and contents of hotel restaurant's fish and lobster tanks. Calories: 1,002,800. Feeling: self-loathing.

2:20 PM: Snack: City bus passengers (18). (Driver fell out when I shook bus). Calories: 3,456,000. Feeling: numb, huge. Why am I still eating? SOMEONE stop me.

Pathetic Dollar Bill Infiltrates P. Diddy's Wallet

There's nothing that ruins my day more than when I'm thumbing through my fat wad of cake and this happens.

Seriously? Are you kidding me? While my lapse in recollection may be understandable to many, since the last time I declared in song that it was all about the Benjamins was more than a decade ago, it should go without saying that I was deeply disturbed and confused. I'm P. Diddy! I have no sympathy for this wack ass dollar bill!

How the hell did you get in my wallet? Why is this happening to me now at the Knicks game? Get out of my wallet. Leave and never come back.