Points to Remember
Why admit your weaknesses when you can smooth them over with the uneasy realization that at least you didn't lose your keys. There they are. Right there. Right in front of you. Locked in a car while it's raining outside. And all you can do is consider how lucky you are that you did not lose your keys because only idiots lose keys. Disregard those urges to Hulk out and throw punches at the air. There is solace in knowing you don't misplace things.
No matter where you place your wager (on successfully breaking into your car with a soft blend of anger and bitchassness or on convincing yourself that fucking up is fun) things will end up costing you 50 IQ points and $50. I suggest that instead of squandering your wits with worry, you should start in on the salvage, you damn moron.
At least you locked your keys in your car at the gym and not at some rogue porn shop. Just sayin...
When in doubt, dance, do the macarena. You deserve to fall to your lowest point possible.
Call yourself a bitch, bitch.
