Alright, so I rarely write about detailed meanderings with the ladies, but this one was too funny not to share.
I met this girl a couple weeks back at the fine social hub -- unofficially designated for grassy gnomes -- also known as DB's on West and 5th streets. I was standing behind her and she set her purse down on a chair in front of me at the bar and I advised her that she shouldn't leave her purse around and she said, "Oh - I've been watching you, so I know."
Not certain what the meant, I got her digits. We texted each other intermittently over the course of a week and finally met again yesterday for coffee.
The first major problem the meeting posed was that I didn't know her name. Since she was simply listed in my phone as "Hot Chick" I considered avoiding the subject all together and call her any pronoun in lieu of her proper name.
So we start talking, conversation is fluid and non stop. I ask her a range of questions from favorite flavored toothpaste to geographical living preferences to interests in flutes and previous week experiences.
Totally legitimate conversation. Until I remind myself that I didn't know her name. So I began scheming like a soap opera villain with wayward intentions. I convinced myself that SHE, in fact, had no idea what my name was too. It went like this:
Unknown girl: Absolutely, but when it comes eggplant and salmon, I'm not sure it's a good combination [CUTOFF mid-sentence]
Me: You have no idea who I am do you? You don't even know my name.
Unknown girl: Um, JJ, what are you talking about?
Me: ::SILENCE:: {{Crickets}} {{Thumb twiddling}} OK. (Stupid blank look washes over my face).
Those who know me, are not surprised at the nature of an abrupt comment like that from me.
Unknown girl: Wait. You don't know my name do you?
Me: What? Don't be ridiculous. I was certain you didn't know my name ... I just don't know how to spell your name, that's all.
Unknown girl: It's Gertrude.
Me: Duh. I know.
Unknown girl: No it's NOT. It's Juliana.
Me: ::SHIT:: OK, so yes I was busted. I didn't know your name.
Thinking it would be a good idea, I made the poor decision to inform her the name that appears on my phone every time I receive a text from her. I dig an even deeper hole to lament in.
Me: This was the only name I knew you by. "Hot Chick"
The girl formerly known as unknown girl: Wow. You have really managed to impress me.
Me: So now that we got that out of the way, what are your plans for the weekend?
{{It's only Tuesday, who the hell plans for the weekend on a Tuesday?}}
Juliana: I don't know. The week just started.
Me: I plan all my social outings two weeks in advance.
{blatant lie}
Juliana: Well, I'm going to this prom, at LBJ or something.
Me: PROM?!?!@?@#?!!?@
{{SHIT! She's still in high school! I must leave this scene as soon as possible. Calmly I continue.}}
Me: So how old are you?
Juliana: How old do you think I am.
Me: Considering you just told me you are going to prom, please tell me I'm wrong when I say this, but 18?
Juliana: Um no. I'm 25. It's called prom, for UT's LBJ graduate school of public affairs. So you think I look like I'm 18 huh? That sucks.
Me: Are you Italian?
Juliana: HUH? No. German and French. Why?
Me: Who going to win March Madness?
Juliana: What? You're asking random questions.
Me: Oh -- look it's almost 8 we've been hanging out for about an hour now and I have to meet some friends. {{blatant lie part II}}
Juliana: Oh - OK. Sure. Well it was interesting hanging out.
Me: Yea we should do it again, like this weekend.
Juliana: I don't know. Actually, no. But we'll see.
So that was that. Lesson to be learned fellas. A) Know a girl's name. It's the least you can do. B) Don't let her know that you think she's hot.
1 comment:
HAHAHAHAH! Wow. I haven't seen you in SO long but that was hilarious! Also maybe don't bombard her with random questions as if you don't care what the answers are, although it did work to get the heat off of you. Sometimes I wonder about you. hah :)
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