Sunday, May 18, 2008

Dude, you and your blog are waaay douchey

I'm confident in saying the name of my blog speaks volumes about how uncool I truly am, but for the sake of argument, my blog's name contains trace elements of hip hop and neat slanguage that can not be sourced from a Webster's Edition Dictionary.

So effectively, my newly created blog is sagging in its grammatical fashion, grabs its crotch habitually around the ladies and speaks in an urban narrative that aptly articulates my ability to ball outta control. Not to mention, it will navigate you through the dull drab of your day. It's a lot like going to the bathroom and reading stories on bathroom stalls, only slightly more absurd.

It's also noteworthy to mention that the content found on this blog is only about 90% true and 10% fiction. That means there's room for embellishment, and/or Jello ... case and point, I considered blogging about my chance encounter with someone unpleasantly sozzled the other night who jumped on top of a bar table and did a horrible Bill Cosby impersonation ... and then urinated on herself and asked for cotton candy repeatedly.

That said, this blog will be complex, contradictory, and capable of great intelligence but equally subject to great stupidity. It's safe to say it will be far more stupid than humanely possible.

Don't believe me? I know it's difficult to imagine me actually penning something that sinks below the brilliant literary threshold I am held to, but wrap the shit storm of mind-blowing cocksuckery around your brain and you might get a sense of what it's like to be dope.

What exactly is "dope" you ask? Fine question. Damn fine question. But if you have to ask, then you simply don't know. And if you don't know, then I can't tell you. But since it's my blog and I'm a really nice guy, I'll tell you.

Some other time.

Not now. I just wanted to introduce this blog to everyone (all three of you who will read it).

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